Yesterday I escorted my mum from the South of France to the door of her aircraft going from Heathrow to Iceland. In Iceland she was met by my nephew who also happens to be called Thoroddur. She was, thus, never on her own except in an aircraft full of other Icelanders. For reasons having to do with booking our flights very late we had to travel from Nice to Paris Orly (domestic terminal), and then from Paris CDG (international terminal) to Heathrow where she flew to Iceland. I mention that because it gave us the opportunity to maximize our experience with security.
Our experience with security was tragicomic. In Nice they go trough the old gals hand baggage and make a great fuss off her hair comb. It was a typical old lady hair comb with a thin metal handle that spikes at the end. Obviously a lethal weapon particularly in the hands of an 83 year old and must not be allowed on the aircraft. In Paris things, however, got much worse. Clearly, Mum had not believed me when I told her that no liquids where allowed in hand luggage or possibly she does not believe her creams count as such.
When we go through (the first) security station at CDG they again pull mum (83 year old, gray haired, diminutive terror suspect) aside and demand to go through her bag. This time the inspection is performed by a young French girl who's primary qualification for the job appeared to be not speaking English, this would have been a real scene if I had not been there to translate. She pulls some eight different tubes with various creams out of Mum's bag. What all of those where I have no idea but they where not coming with us, although, we where offered the option of checking them in. Presumably we where supposed to buy a bag to check in because our bags had already disappeared into the maw of the airport building.
Poor Mum was completely distraught by having her stash of beauty products confiscated but worse was to come. As where were going to the UK there was a second security point at CDG before boarding the aircraft. At this point they where systematically checking all bags for beauty related contraband, this time a very brusque but competent seaming and English speaking French woman was in charge. She practically emptied Mum's bag and came up with two mascaras and a lipstick. These went into the bin greatly adding to Mum's distress.
On we go to Heathrow with little to report other than crying children and one very distressed cat. Except, of course, when we got to transit security at terminal 2 and the octogenarian's bags get scanned by "English" scanners. Again, I have no idea what she needs these products for but Mum was still holding on to two tubes, a can of some sort, three lipsticks and what I presume was her last resort mascara. The very courteous and, I must say, gigantic English security guard explained to my poor Mum, that no these would not be traveling with her to Iceland. At Heathrow they did give us the option of mailing the offending items to Iceland which we did.
Now while I greatly admire the vanity that means an 83 year old girl is carrying ten tubes of creams, an can of creams, three mascaras and four lipsticks and I hope she does keep it up, I have no idea what she was doing with all of this. This has got to be more stuff than many women have on their night table! Just how many products does an octogenarian need to slap on her face before she can show it to the world.
What this story tells me about the security at airports, however, is not very comforting. I can understand the Nice security as that was a French domestic flight that is probably operating under different parameters than the UK flights. The other three checks, however, are supposed to be operating under European Joint Aviation Authority rules and should follow the same procedures, have staff trained in the same manner and have compatible scanners. Yet, it took three separate scanners and manual checks to reveal all of Mum's contraband. Either it is the considered opinion of the security staff that the rules are rubbish and they are not fully implementing the rules or security is just a crowd control measure. They clearly are not getting anywhere near all the stuff they say must not be let onto aircraft.
Mum got home sound and save however!
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